Welcome back to the House of Night series, children. I know you're excited to return to vamp school but first, let's review what we've learned about the House of Night series thus far:
1. The House of Night is a boarding school for fledgling vampires, who apparently need the supervision and influence of older vampires in order for them to make the transition into full vampires or they die horribly EXCEPT THEY DON'T DIE. Yeah.
2. Vampire customs and beliefs follow a hodge-podge of matriarchal, pagan, greekish, Lori Cabot-esque philosophy that doesn't really make any sense, but would still be rather quaint if it wasn't taken directly from "The Be Like The Girls in the Craft Handbook 101", or if it was in anyway consistent and didn't butcher a plethora of folklore.
3. Panders to every conceivable stereotype in a shameless attempt to suck in readers. (Kudos to your PR people) For instance, the fact that Damien's homosexuality is mentioned EVERY time he appears on page and we get that your book is multi-racial and I'm so glad you have to keep telling us that some of your characters hail from different backgrounds.
4. Zoey (Lady of the Night really does mean whore) Redbird is everything we hope our daughters won't be and please don't strive to be like her.
5. Is correct in it's portrayal of teenage boys being only sex driven hot heads.
6. Is written on a third grade reading level.
Stevie Rae and the Bird Man (playing at a club near you)
Zoey and Co. have scared off Nefret and Kalona, they are all living in a nunnery, and Stevie Rae saves a Raven Mocker (nasty half bird man created when Kalona raped Cherokee women. Seriously. Pull something else out of your ass). Zoey fights with all three of her boyfriends. Skip forward to just over halfway through the book because that's the next time anything actually happens.
They return to the House of Night, I forget why. Probably so that they are around adult vamps who keep them from "dying" and turning into blood thirsty monsters that can't go out in the daylight.....wait....I...thought...that's...what...vampires...did...?
Now they are traveling to Italy to meet with the Voltur- er wait, that's another book isn't it? Let me reread- nope, they are indeed traveling to Italy to meet with the vampire council. *cough* Twilightbandwagonfamewhores *cough*
In which everything gets REALLY good! I want to know what happens next! Is it wrong that I think Kalona is AWESOME? Can you BELIEVE what just happened!? When do we get another one?
Yes, this is book abuse at it's finest right here and I know some people think the sun shines out of Team Cast's a...there, I was good, but there isn't anything even remotely intelligent about this book, the series, the story, the concept. That said, even given my animosity towards the writers and the series, I keep reading because there is just something about the series that makes me want to see it through. I'm giving this book 3 stars, it may be crap, but it's consistently crappy which takes real initiative. Not only that you couldn't write anything worse and still have it be SO VERY entertaining and that's real skill, and well...it has a fabulous cliff-hanger ending.
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